I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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