It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
