yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
