is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
