I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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