I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
