i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
