no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
