I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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