We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
