are you so shy because you have an std?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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