I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
