What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
