Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
