why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
