WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
