T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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