So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
