PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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