Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
