I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
