Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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