I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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