Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
