I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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