I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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