Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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