So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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