How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
