Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
it glows. i had to have it.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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