I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just high enough for therapy.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
