I cannot find my penis.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
