i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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