toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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