clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If I die, sorry about rent.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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