Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think I won the penis lottery.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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