We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
