everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
