I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
