There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
