Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
