she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
