All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
