I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
