so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
