I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
