I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
