Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
