Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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