I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
