Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
