My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
