Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
