Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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